11/07/2006

Generation Why

View from the top is illuminating

By KELLY PENDERGAST
Special to the Record-Eagle

Special to the Record-Eagle
Rachel Zemanek, grade 9, left; Kelly Pendergast, grade 12, right. Both attend Lake Leelanau St. Mary's school.

There are a few moments in a person's life that stick out in their minds as the beginning of something great.

The first day of my senior year was not one of them. I walked up the familiar stairs and into the familiar classrooms, not feeling any different than I have for the last five years. I don't really believe I'm a senior.

Seniors always had this prestige. I looked up to them as an unspoken definition of "cool." Now that I'm in this role, seniority seems to have lost its luster. I don't feel like we're old enough, cool enough and smart enough to be seniors.

I remember the 12th-graders being bigger than life.

Is it just me, or are seniors getting shorter?

Though I may not be feeling the glory of senior year, I am certainly feeling the stress. There are essays to write, campuses to visit and tests to take. It's Application Season! I have looked over my applications a thousand times, and with each review the knot in my stomach continues to grow. What if it's not good enough?

I have started having "letter anxiety." I go through flashes of sheer disappointment imagining a rejection, and rushes of elation at the thought of receiving that big envelope and knowing I got in.

Realistically, I won't hear back from schools until Dec. 15. In fact, I haven't submitted my applications yet, but every time I open a mailbox, I'm holding my breath.

Since I began this process, I've realized how ridiculous my anxieties of the past years have been. I understand now that high school is only temporary. The drama, the fads, the cliques, the gossip and the uniforms are just part of an incredibly short period of my life.

Senior year is one of the biggest transitions of your life. You move from child to adult, with all the freedoms and responsibilities that come with it.

I intend to spend mine saying goodbye to a cherished past and looking ahead to an unpredictable future. As we wrap up our last year in high school, let's enjoy it a little. Let's not wish it away.

After all, only 163 more days ...

Kelly Pendergast is a senior at St. Mary's in Lake Leelanau.